Kcirtap
by Teren
Summary: Me Nothing but homework to do sugar - parents random story with bad grammar and biased views. PG for murder and my carelessness


Kcirtap

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Sponge Bob Square Pants!

But who cares, this is a story about everyone's favourite pink starfish! (unless you like peach from finding nemo better, in which case you'd better go, cause squirt rocks..)

Patrick was not an ordinary starfish, Oh no, not at all. One look at that handsome hunk of fish shaped in a star could tell you that. 

Okay, so maybe he had some minor problems.

 Hehadnexttonobrain, 

Heangerseasily,especiallyinreferencetothelatterproblem, 

But we can forget them, especially the first one. And the second one. 

After all, everyone loves Patrick. Except Squidward. But then again, we all hate the Patrickhating-clarinetplaying-plottting-squid, don't we? Well I do and that's all that matters.

Anyway, we must go on with the story of Patrick, he who thinks straight, if at all.

It was a sunny day in Bikini Bottom. _(Just a question, does it RAIN in bikini bottom?) _Everyone was outside playing in the rather wet sunshine. Except Patrick.

Patrick was staring. At the wall. And thinking. And sweating. And holding his head. And screaming in pure agony. 

Its hard to think when you have next-to-no brain. Which is why Patrick was having problems. We cannot blame him, everyone has problems. 

His problem was enormous. A particularly evil squid had tried to kidnap his beloved pet rock. Only Patrick, screaming "EAT MY FIBERLIGHT YOU EVIL TOILET BRUSH OF PIE!" and wielding a sock full of sand prevented the disaster from unfolding.   
  
And now Patrick had the unenviable task of trying to figure out how to move the dead body from under his rock.

You know the one. The long slimy one with the sock of sand down its throat. With evil slitted eyes. And eight or something legs.  Oh, and a turkey. Don't ask why, he just had a turkey.

Thank goodness for soundproof rocks. They make the best houses and saved Patrick from a certain sentence in prison for a crime he didn't commit.

Okay, didn't commit on PURPOSE.

  
Fine. For a crime that he only committed on purpose because the evil Squidward was attempting to steal his rock.

BLAST IT! Geez, confounded details. For the crime he  commited on purpose, because Squidward was cleaning the rock, as Patrick asked him to. Why I don't know. Patrick confuses even me some times. 

I mean, if that slimy thing was touching my rock, I'd want to kill him too. Wouldn't you?

So, Patrick was screaming at the wall whilst the evil Squidward was choking on a sock full of sand. Why he didn't pull it out I have no idea. Oh.

Right.

The turkey. He was holding it. 

Did I forget to mention it was Thanksgiving? And that Squidward was feeling unusually nice. And Patrick had also invited him for dinner. In the middle of the day of course. 

The evil Squidward had perfectly plotted the framing of our beloved Patrick. If I didn't know better, Patrick would look like the wrongdoer in this, but of course as this is Patrick's story, we must all glare at Squidward.

Lets take a moment to do that now. 

**GLARE**

That's enough. 

Okay, I lied. 

Rocks aren't sound proof. Or just not this one. So of course the police came. But before they did, a certain sponge-named-bob-with-rectangular-pants came. With A strange looking snail that meowed. Named Gary. Gary was red today. Ask not why. He had been painting.

This-sponge-named-bob panicked. We cannot blame him, you would too if your best friend had been attacked by an evil squid and only merely escaped certain death. 

After all, that's what we all know really happened. That turkey could have been POISONED!. 

Actually it wasn't. But that's beside the point. The point is IT COULD HAVE BEEN!

So the yellow rectangle panted sponge named Bob screamed, and (as he had been merrily painting his snail) flung red paint off his hands, all over the corpse of Squidward (boo) and Patrick (yay!). 

Then the P.O.L.I.C.E came. Please open lids in care everyone. Actually POLICE stood for Protection of Lobster Igloos and Crab Equality. But only I know that. Oh and you know. 

Now theses Protectors of Lobster Igloos and Crab equality took one look and this crime scene and immediately arrested Patrick and Sponge Bob. 

But not Gary. No one EVER suspects the meowing snail.

But they should. That snail is almost as evil and Squidward. 

Almost, just not quite. 

  
A/N :

Should I continue? I don't see a point. But if you like this first attempt at a humorous (HAH!) cartoonic story, say so.


End file.
